36 Remarkable David Feherty Quotes

36 Remarkable David Feherty Quotes

by / Comments Off / 1842 View / Nov 18, 2014

David Feherty is a former pro golfer from Ireland. He played multiple European and PGA tours from 1976 to 1997. His witty and wild comments quickly gained him fame. He currently lives in Dallas, Texas.

“122 yards, and he is in a hay bale.”

“Can’t purchase a putt at the moment.”

“Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.”

“Gary thinks he invented fitness because he used to do push-ups on the airplane. He’s just upset because you can’t win a major any more with a low, flat hook and a Napoleon complex.”

“He has the touch of a gay hairdresser.”

“He’s hit more balls than Elton John’s chin.”

“He’s (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx card between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.”

“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week… he is attending the birth of his next wife.”

“I didn’t quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it’s not even a challenge any more.”

“I don’t suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.”

“I just stood there watching him walk past and thinking, ‘I don’t know what that is, but I know there weren’t two of them on Noah’s Ark.”

“I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.”

“It is so long it’s the first time I’ve had to take into account the curvature of the earth.”

“It looks like a one armed man trying to wrestle a snake in a phone booth.”

“It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”

“It would be easier to pick a broken nose, than a winner in that group.”

“It’s OK – the bunker stopped it.”

“Never has my flabber been so completely gasted.”

“One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.”

“She could be adopted by Britney Spears and be better off. I want my 16-year-old daughter to have an enormous phone bill, a case of the giggles and to be pissed off at me for killing her first three boyfriends. I do not want her out on Tour under that kind of pressure.”

“That ball is so far left Lassie couldn’t find it even if it was wrapped in bacon.”

“That green appears smaller than a Pygmie’s nipple.”

“That sounded like he hit a roll of wet toilet paper.”

“That was a great shot – if they’d put the pin there today.”

“That’s a great shot with that swing.”

“The old melting left wrist, I remember it well.”

“The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.”

“They are like hot air dryers in public lavatories. They are a good idea, but take too long.”

“They’re why the Hubble telescope is pointed away from the earth.”

“Tiger is no slouch himself: He can lay ‘em down like a crop duster.”

“Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.”

“We don’t know what kind of Greek drama this is, a tragedy or a comedy. It’s going to be a tragedy for someone.”

“What was the man going to charge you with? The attempted drowning of a niblick?”

“Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.”

“Wow, take a swipe at it big boy.”

“You couldn’t find your arse with a set of deer antlers.”