35 Most Famous Augusten Burroughs Quotes

35 Most Famous Augusten Burroughs Quotes

by / Comments Off / 343 View / Dec 10, 2014

Augusten Burroughs is a writer that has written many best selling books including Running with Scissors, which was adapted into a major motion picture. He has also written a personal memoir of his life, Dry, dealing with his alcoholism.

“Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.”

“And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.”

“As a child, I was never drawn toward depraved or extreme situations; I really wanted a normal little childhood. Unfortunately, that’s just not what happened.”

“Because I’ve lived in one room my entire life, working at the same table that you use to pay bills at and eat at. It’s going to be nice to have actual space.”

“Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth.”

“His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade.”

“I can’t tell you how much I love Target and Costco, that kind of culture, because it’s something I never felt a part of. I’ve always felt like a tourist because I have never fit in

“I hate feelings. Why does sobriety have to come with feelings?”

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

“I never listen to music when I write.”

“I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes.”

“I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren’t good for you.”

“I think people tend to see the bigger point, which is maybe not fitting in and feeling like you didn’t have the childhood that you expected you would have, or that you felt lonely or
struggled with drugs and alcohol or just that you were able to achieve your dreams.”

“I was in advertising for years. That was cushy, you know? It’s pretty cushy in a lot of ways, but I hated it.”

“I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead.”

“If you’re gay and live in New York and don’t go to gym, eventually they come for you.”

“I’m like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I’m very conservative and boring in a lot of ways.”

“I’ve just finished my next collection, Possible Side Effects, and I’m now working on a collection of holiday stories as well as a memoir about my relationship with my father.”

“Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I’m an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.”

“My only ritual is to just sit down and write, write every day.”

“Never work with children, puppies or bulimics.”

“Once I decided to write, to be published, I knew it would happen.”

“Part of me believes that love is more valuable when you have to work for it.”

“Reading takes solitude and it takes focus.”

“Stars should not be seen alone. That’s why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones.”

“The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin. A person would have to be an expert tightrope walker in order not to fall.”

“The secret to being a writer is that you have to write. It’s not enough to think about writing or to study literature or plan a future life as an author. You really have to lock yourself
away, alone, and get to work.”

“There’s never a false note in a Berg novel.”

“There’s not enough of me left over.”

“Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don’t go there alone.”

“We haven’t slept together. But we’ve napped.”

“We were young. We were bored. And the old electroshock therapy machine was just under the stairs in a box next to the Hoover.”

“When people meet me, many times they’re very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and very hip and cool and New York City, and I’m not.”

“When you have your health, you have everything. When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all.”

“You deserve to need me, not to have me.”