34 Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

34 Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

by / Comments Off / 104 View / Dec 11, 2014

Rodney Dangerfield was an actor and comedian whose iconic career shaped comedy today. He was best known for his catchphrase “I don’t get no respect!”. He also played in major motion pictures like Caddyshack and Easy Money. He died in 2004 at the age of 82.

“Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.”

“At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t.”

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”

“I don’t get no respect!”

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”

“I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind mad was reading my face. ”

“I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”

“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

“I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.”

“I tell ya, my family were always big drinkers. When I was a kid, I was missing. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch.”

“I tell ya, my wife’s a lousy cook. After dinner, I don’t brush my teeth. I count them.”

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn’t met me yet.”

“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.”

“I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”

“I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.”

“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”

“In my life I’ve been through plenty. when I was three years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.”

“Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.”

“My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

“My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. ”

“My mother had morning sickness after I was born. ”

“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler’s checks.”

“My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.”

“My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.”

“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.”

“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. ”

“The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. ”

“This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.”

“What a childhood I had. My mother never breast-fed me. She said she liked me as a friend.”

“When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt — for obvious reasons — that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came
back my catch phrase was “nothing goes right.” Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.”

“When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol’ man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.”

“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”

“With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!”