31 Famous Denis Leary Quotes

31 Famous Denis Leary Quotes

by / Comments Off / 285 View / Dec 2, 2014

Denis Leary is a actor, producer, comedian, stand up comedian, and voice artist from Massachusetts. He is most know by his fast paced style. He has starred in many feature films and even a show he created, Rescue Me. He is also widely known for his voice work as Diego in the Ice Age movie series.

“And when it comes time to confess your sins in the Lapsed Catholic Church, guess who you confess your sins to? That’s right, Father Leary. You walk in and say, “Bless me, Father, for I have
sinned.” You know what I say? “That’s f–king great! What did you do?” “I, um, thought impure thoughts many times this week- “F–kin’ excellent! What else?” “Uh, I jerked off like five
times-” “That’s F–KING great! You know what your penance is? Run across the street to that store, steal two cases of beer and a pizza, and bring it back here,’ OK? ‘Cause we’re gonna sit
around the rectory and smoke and eat pizza and drink beer and watch TV, and if we see the pope on TV, we’re gonna give him the finger and make fun of his hats, OK?”

“Coffee doesn’t need a menu, it needs a cup! That’s all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup- that’s it!”

“Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring.”

“Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter.”

“Firefighters don’t go on strike.”

“Happiness comes in small doses folks. It’s a cigarette, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm, that’s it okay? You come, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep
you get up in the morning and go to f–king work okay? That is it, end of f–king list!”

“I can’t text. My fingers are too big.”

“I didn’t raise my kids with the fear of God.”

“I don’t want to see a ‘Sopranos’ movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie.”

“I love America.”

“I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!”

“I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs!
Keith, we can’t do any more drugs because you already f–king did them all, alright? There’s none left! We have to wait ’til you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot
and the f–kin’ kettle.”

“I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was
great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, ‘If these guys can do it, then so can I.’”

“I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles.”

“I would never do crack… I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?”

“If you had no enemies, you had no fun.”

“I’m a huge Kevin Youkilis fan.”

“I’m gonna get one of those tracheotomies, so I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time! I’m gonna get nine tracheotomies, all around my neck, I’ll be Tracheotomy Man! He can smoke a pack
at a time, he’s Tracheotomy Man!”

“I’m pretty much a chocolate guy. I’m up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate.”

“I’m really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen.”

“I’m the Lord of the Dance! F–k Michael Flatley, it’s me!”

“It says on the back of the Nyquil box, ‘May cause drowsiness.’ It should say, ‘Don’t make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.’”

“Making a key decision now for our kids, it’s religion decision time, you know…and I’m not bringing em up Catholic. I’ve made that decision. Boy, because I was raised Catholic, and NOO
WAY! Uh-uh! Nope! Know what? I can’t bring up my kids in a church whose authority system is entirely based on the size of f–king hats, okay? That’s apparently how the Catholic church is
run. The bigger the hat, the more important the guy, right? Priests have no hats, cardinals have those little red beanies, the pope has a collection of big hats…God must have a huge
f–king sombrero up there in heaven! “Look at me, I’m GOD! Look at the size of my hat, who else would I be?” I don’t know, lead singer of Los Lobos?”

“My brother and I tortured my mother growing up.”

“My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don’t think he ever missed a hockey game I was in.”

“My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave.”

“Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.”

“Ted Kennedy, a good senator but a bad date you know what I mean? “What’d I forget? Goddamit the fuckin’ girl! Jesus Christ where are my pants?”

“The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them.”

“Usually when you watch a film, you’re just sort of biting your nails about things you could have done differently.”

“What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, ‘I’m going to protect all these strangers.’”