25 Greatest Red Skelton Quotes

25 Greatest Red Skelton Quotes

by / Comments Off / 2379 View / Dec 15, 2014

Richard “Red” Skelton was an entertainer on radio and television in the mid 1900′s. He gained his fame hosting The Red Skelton Show, and also has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He died on September 17, 1997 at the age of 84.

“A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, ‘I’ve been going for three months.’ I said, ‘How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?’ He said, ‘All
of them.’”

“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”

“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”

“Congress: Bingo with billions.”

“Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.”

“God’s children and their happiness are my reasons for being.”

“Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language? One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap.”

“His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.”

“I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.”

“I don’t want to be called ‘the greatest’ or ‘one of the greatest’; let other guys claim to be the best. I just want to be known as a clown because to me that’s the height of my profession.
“It means you can do everything-sing, dance, and above all, make people laugh.”

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”

“I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.”

“I personally believe we were put her to build and not to destroy.”

“I take my wife everywhere – but she keeps finding her way back.”

“I’m nuts and I know it. But so long as I make ‘em laugh, they ain’t going to lock me up.”

“It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they’ll come out for it.”

“Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.”

“My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

“No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.”

“Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.”

“She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.”

“She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.”

“She ran after the garbage truck yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

“The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”

“Today’s comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They’re shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.”