22 Famous Jim Gaffigan Quotes

22 Famous Jim Gaffigan Quotes

by / Comments Off / 257 View / Dec 30, 2014

Jim Gaffigan is a stand up comedian, author, and actor from Elgin, Illinois. His comedy routines are often centered around his colorful childhood and growing up within an large family. He has been in many film and television roles including spots on That 70′s Show, Beyond the Pale, and King Baby. He has most recently just published a book, Food: A Love Story.

“Actually, the reaon I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.”

“I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It’s very personal, stylistically.”

“I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana — mafia.”

“I come from a very large family – nine parents.”

“I like to think of bread as really bland cake.”

“I’d been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity to do stand-up on Letterman, which holds even more importance for me.
“With comedians, that’s definitely the pinnacle, but being from Indiana, it was a big to-do.”

“I’m bald, blind and pale. I’m like a gigantic recessive gene.”

“Isn’t it strange — when you’re single, all you see is couples, and when you’re part of a couple, all you see are hookers.”

“My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow. ”

“My wife’s gotten really really lazy, or as she call is ‘pregnant’.”

“Not that I don’t think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would admit throwing an f-bomb in there would help get a reaction. … I’m not
on a Puritanical pursuit, but when I would curse in a joke, I believe I’m not done writing it.”

“One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.”

“One thing I’ve always appreciated about Dave is that he can be sarcastic without being alienating and self-deprecating without being self-abusing.”

“People don’t know who I am. Some people don’t know I do standup. They just write that I’m that guy from those failed sitcoms. I always joke that ‘I’ve never heard of me either.’”

“The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal. ”

“The real question is should we trust people who don’t like cheese?”

“Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.”

“Yeah, I am a character actor.”

“You ever look for the remote control, you can’t find it, so you just decide, ‘Ah, it looks like I’m not watching TV.’”

“You ever notice that when people are thinking in movies, they’re always chewing on the end of their glasses? Like, ‘If we give the alien a cold…’. You know what they’re really thinking?
‘This tastes likes wax.’”

“You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.”

“You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, ‘Continued on page six’? I’m like, ‘Not for me. I’m done.’”