21 Greatest Dough Stanhope Quotes

21 Greatest Dough Stanhope Quotes

by / Comments Off / 347 View / Nov 20, 2014

Douglas “Doug” Stanhope is a comedian and actor from Massachusetts. He made his break into the comedy world in 2002 when he won the Strathmore. Later in that same year he landed his own show on Fox, Invasion of Hidden Cameras. He continues to pull controversial stunts, including announcing he was running for President of The United States in 2007. He continues to perform all around the world.

“A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop’s only job is to ruin the party.”

“America may be the best country, but that’s like being the prettiest Denny’s waitress. Just because you’re the best doesn’t make you good.”

“Babies are like poems. They’re beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they’re silly and they’re irritating.”

“Don’t learn from other people’s mistakes. That’s the worst advice you could ever get. Other people are fucking morons. Wrestling’s the number one show on cable television. You’re gonna learn from their mistakes? They’re f***in’ tools! You might be the first guy who could to do it right and be a hero for all of us. Take a chance and learn to fly there, Orville Wright!”

“Everything that’s gonna kill you is extremely appetizing & that’s the sign that we’re fucking not supposed to be here & we’re on our way out”

“I blew a speaker in my car today. Yeah, he was a motivational speaker. It left a bad taste in my mouth but I feel a lot more positive.”

“I go on stage, it’s like I’m leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.”

“If you really believe that death leads to eternal bliss, then why are you wearing a seatbelt?”

“If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit.”

“I’m forty four; I’m way closer to dead than I am life of the party.”

“Life is like a movie, if you’ve sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.”

“Life is like animal porn, it’s not for everyone.”

“Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in.”

“Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.”

“Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.”

“They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you’d have something to look forward to at this point.”

“What if I don’t want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don’t want to be led.”

“When you consider the overpopulation in this world … homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.”

“Who better to do drugs than high school kids; what are you going to f**k up that bad when you’re seventeen years old?”

“You kinda wish a girl would bleed a little bit from the head during that time so you know before you approach her at the bar.”

“You watch too much porno, it diminishes your taste for the kind of girls that will actually poon you.”